An Unpopular Opinion on the United Methodist Church: Relationship-Building Is the Way Forward

It’s been two weeks since the United Methodist Special Session of the General Conference. I should have my thoughts together by now, but I don’t. I was not there. I was also busy with law school, an internship, 5 foster kittens and a foster cat, law review, etc., and I missed most of the livestream.

In a nutshell: the United Methodist Church affirmed and strengthened the Book of Discipline provisions against ordaining “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” and performing same-sex weddings.

Here are my thoughts in the aftermath of that decision:

1. LGBTQIA+ people are beloved children of God.

Yes, LGBTQIA+ people are God’s beloved children. They are made in God’s image.

2. God will continue to call LGBTQIA+ people to ordained ministry.

I do not believe homosexuality is a choice or a sin.

Even if homosexuality is a sin: 1) Everyone sins, even ordained ministers.

And 2) God will continue to call LGBTQIA+ people to ordained ministry. God will give LGBTQIA+ people the gifts for ministry, and those gifts will bear fruit. Who are we to stand in the way?

3. “The Africans”—as they are too often called—are not the problem.

First of all, the African continent is huge! Did you know there are four episcopal areas in the Democratic Republic of Congo alone? Africa is not one unified voice, and the laws related to homosexuality vary by country.

More importantly, “the Africans” are human beings, with their own thoughts and feelings and ideas. Their value is not based on whether they vote for our preferred plan. They have sacred worth even when they vote against LGBTQIA+ equality.

The rest of the world also varies in their beliefs and context. I saw that firsthand at the Global Young People’s Convocation in July 2018. For example, some folks from the Philippines were openly LGBTQIA+. Meanwhile, the delegates from Russia and Ukraine had no concept of “gender” or “transgender.” Apparently there is no word for “gender” in Russian, and some of them learned “transgender” for the first time when I explained it to them.

How can we hate people for disagreeing with us when they have no way of understanding from their own context, in their own language?

4. Relationship-building is the Way Forward.

First: To my LGBTQIA+ siblings, I am deeply sorry for the harm that the United Methodist Church has done to you. Jesus taught us to love God and to love the people God has made, and we failed in the worst way.

I cannot imagine how it felt to be asked about genital contact at a Board of Ordained Ministry interview. Or how it felt when colleagues brought charges against you because of who you are and who you love. Or how you felt when the pastor refused to perform a wedding ceremony for you in the church that baptized and raised you. We have voted to affirm prejudice and harassment and hatred and discrimination. If you need to leave the Church now and never look back, I respect your decision.

We will never be whole without you.

Second: Hello, self-avowed allies. When was the last time you talked about LGBTQIA+ inclusion with someone who disagreed with you? When was the last time you built a relationship with someone who disagreed with you on full LGBTQIA+ inclusion?

Many of us are angry. Many of us have reacted from a place of anger and fear. We yell Bible verses at one another—but are we quick to listen?

Yes, we should turn over tables. But we must also remember love’s transformative power. I think love—and building relationships—is the Way Forward. We must be bold. We must be brave. We must not waiver in our beliefs. Moving forward, we must do what our LGBTQIA+ siblings ask, sharing some of the load, so they do not have to carry it alone.

It was not enough for me to tie my future in the United Methodist Church to full LGBTQIA+ inclusion. I must also work to change hearts and minds. In our polarized context, this feels like an impossible task. Even so, homophobia is structural sin, and God has called me to social justice. I must not give up. Will you hold me accountable? Will you join me?

5. Ashes precede beauty.

If the United Methodist Church as we know it is destroyed, my God will make something beautiful out of the rubble. Even if we are not alive to witness it, I have hope that God will create something new out of our anger and pain and fear.

I hope we find a way to stay together.

“For just and unjust, a place at the table,
abuser, abused, with need to forgive
in anger, in hurt, a mindset of mercy,
for just and unjust, a new way to live,

“and God will delight when we are creators
of justice and joy, compassion and peace:
yes, God will delight when we are creators
of justice, justice and joy!”

Emily is a law student, certified candidate for ordained ministry in the United Methodist Church, and kitten foster. You probably just read about one of those things.